I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize