I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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