Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
