I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
