I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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