Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she told me i tasted like america
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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