fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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