oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
