I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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