Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
