dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
