you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
