Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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