Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize