remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
