That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
now i know why i became what i already was.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
