I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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