My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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