Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
