Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
