and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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