First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
