they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
