wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
