i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
