he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
