when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
