Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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