I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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