There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize