i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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