Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize