College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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