Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
