I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
