She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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