Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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