Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
