Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can I color on your dick again?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize