After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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