you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
