cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
