Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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