she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We had to coat check the pizza.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
