Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
