Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize