got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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