i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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