What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize