if i can run in heels then i can drive
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
