Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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