I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I love black thongs
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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