Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
