i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
