You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
