Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
