Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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