Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
