Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
