What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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