if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
