it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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