i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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