Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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