The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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