I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My bed smells like the plague
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
