Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
