Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
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