i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
