There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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