i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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