awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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