Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
