I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
