Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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