Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
