He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dick very happy bro
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
