i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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