I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
