Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
