i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
