I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
