omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize