tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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