there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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