I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
