Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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