Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
