I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
