I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
