She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize