Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
