You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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