The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
