matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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