I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
