hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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