She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
