i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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