I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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