Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
